Tears and laughter remind me how far I am from so many people I care so much about. The missed weddings, the cheeky newborns. Life breaking upon the lonely surf of my army island.
The tears are not supposed to happen. Not when I am in the army, not when I am the one "putting my life on the line" or whatever a soldier's sacrifice is supposedly about.
So how could I accept, why should I believe, the rumor a friend passed my way this morning. "A fatal car accident in California. Ilan... yes, Ilan is gone."
Heavy silence in Ben Yehuda. Rumors. A world away, a world asleep. Rumors. Rumors I have no reason to accept. Rumors I don't want to.
Rumors that slowly, conversation by conversation, suggest that Ilan is really gone. I am not ready to mourn. Not for a friend I spoke to only five days ago, trading army stories, embarrassing wedding moments. Perceptive to a fault, intellectually curious like few I know. A friend waiting for me. No longer overseas, more than a world away. Miss ya so so much.
May Hashem comfort among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem
OMG…He’s Got a Gun
1 year ago